Let's Talk Mental Health

What does mental health actually look like in everyday life?

In this episode of The Grey Area Podcast, Roslyn Gorham and Hannah Hendry have an open conversation about mental health, growing through difficult seasons, and the realities students and young adults face today.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to the Gray Area podcast. I'm your host, Rosalind Gorham, and today we have Hannah Hendry. Tell us a little bit about what you do here at Live the Life.

SPEAKER_04 0:11

So I have been volunteering with Live the Life coaching, marriage classes, and stuff for a while, like almost three years now, since me and my husband went through one of the classes, and um I got offered an opportunity to help do social media and have been enjoying doing that a lot. And I was super excited to be on the podcast and help out with that.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Yeah, so Hannah is helping me with the true north social media. Um, and I was like, hey, you want to be on a podcast? Absolutely. So yeah, that's why I have her on here today. Um just tell us a little bit about yourself.

SPEAKER_04 0:43

Yeah, so me and my husband were having a lot of issues um in our marriage about the time that our daughter was about nine months old and a lot of history before that, but that was kind of one of our main breaking points. And we were told to go to one of the Live the Life classes, and it really, really changed our marriage. We were able to go to Hope Weekend, which is for couples in crisis, which we definitely were, and um it really, really changed the dynamic between the two of us. It changed the dynamic of our home, it changed how we parented. Um, and it's just been something we've been really passionate about trying to pour back into.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Yeah, that's awesome. Um, I heard you wanted a fun little trip this weekend. Yeah. What was that? Tell me about it.

SPEAKER_04 1:32

Yeah, so um the person who leads the hope weekends for Tallahassee wanted to get a bunch of the coaches together up in Georgia and go hiking and camping and kind of reset, do some training, and it was awesome. We really needed a break. Life had been getting kind of hectic and crazy, and family stuff and work stuff and transitions from old things to new things, toddler, parenting, yeah, which is something else. Um, but it was really great to be in nature, kind of challenge ourselves physically, mentally, um, resetting, reconnecting. It was really, really good.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

I'm tired now, but it was worth it. Yeah, that's awesome. Um, that's kind of a good segue into what we're talking about today. Um, I've heard and I've seen and I've dealt with it myself. Um I feel like recently a lot of people are really struggling with mental health. And I feel like kind of what you were doing is getting a little bit of a reset, a little bit of a break. Um, how did that affect your mental health? Did that help or hurt in any sort of way?

SPEAKER_04 2:38

Absolutely. We were kind of challenged throughout the whole week to meditate and pray and really try and take that time to think through a struggle that we were going through and um get some clarity, some peace and relief, and just being outside, getting vitamin D and being able to kind of shift from a stressed out, I don't know what to do, and I'm overwhelmed with everything, to clarity, calmness, um, focus, and and being able to kind of set goals and not get overwhelmed with everything in life.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

There's a lot, there's a lot of stuff going on in life, so I get it. Um, I know we talked a little bit behind the scenes about mental health and how we've both struggled with it. Do you want to talk a little bit about your journey and how you are, how you got to where you are now?

SPEAKER_04 3:27

Yeah, definitely. So I've been struggling with several different mental health issues, anxiety, depression, and other stuff, um, really since I was like 14 or so. Um, and it got so consuming. It stopped so many things in my life. I was so distraught and felt incapable of just getting basic things done. Um, and then being able to kind of around 18 start going to therapy, get a good doctor, and be able to um start making some good changes, start having a little bit more stability and kind of, you know, when you're first trying to deal with something with mental health, it takes a while. Like it takes a while if you're on medication to figure out what works for you. It takes a while sometimes to find the right therapist for you and and kind of figure out, well, I might be learning these skills, but right now they feel impossible. And just keep practicing them till you can find some stability and normalcy.

SPEAKER_05 4:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:39

Um, and I'd say probably a maybe a year after having my daughter, um, and being able to re-regulate from all of what that does to your body and your mind, I finally felt kind of, you know, I'm stable, I've got a good baseline, I still have rough days and struggles and stuff. Um, still trying to get better, but I definitely have gotten to a pit lace in like a little over a decade that I finally feel I can do some of this and it not be scary. Like, you know, even I would say even two or three years ago, I would not have gone on this weekend retreat. Like I would not have had the confidence and the security with my anxiety or the motivation for my depression to go and do something that I knew would be helpful for me. Um but yeah, that's kind of where I kind of started that and where I'm at now.

unknown 5:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

That's awesome that you're able to be to go on this trip and to take that step of confidence. Um, because I know with mental health it's very hard to get that motivation and that drive to do something. Um, I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was nine years old. Um, was very young. Um, it just it consumed me. I wasn't able to do anything, I wasn't able to function. Um, and then almost three years ago, my youngest sister passed away. Um it was very sudden. It wasn't she wasn't sick. Um, it was just uh an accident. And she her loss um through that struggling and learning how to deal with grief is something I've never experienced before in that way. Um, I developed depression and depression and anxiety together. Not a fun combo. Um so I've been dealing with with mental health issues for quite a hot minute. Um, and being three years outside of it, um, I don't struggle as much with the just the consuming grief as much because you know, time and distance. Um, but obviously I really struggle with the day-to-day things, kind of like what you're saying with motivation and the drive to do things and get things done. That's kind of what we want to talk about today. It's just like, how do you do those tiny things? Like the big things, I feel like come with time. Like you're like what you said, you wouldn't have been able to do this two to three years ago. Um, but like the little things are like brushing your teeth. Like when you're in that really hard depressive mood and not mood, more like season or time, it's very hard to get up to brush your teeth, to do laundry, to do school, to clock into work. Um, so kind of today I just want to talk about like what you've done so that you know what because you've you've got you've gone through it. You know what works, you know what doesn't work, just to help other people and me to learn from other people's experiences. So do you want to tell us a little bit about what you have done to get those things done? Not necessarily the big things, but like washing your dishes or just hanging out with your kiddo.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

Yeah. Um, I think where I want to start off on that topic is having grace for when it's not so achievable. Cause I know I could give tons of advice or you know, what has worked for me at moments, but I might be good for a little while and then have a bad day, a bad week, even a bad month. Yeah. And it takes time to get back to that. Okay, now I feel a little bit more stable each day. Um, but I'll definitely say one of the biggest things for me is really working on self-awareness and taking time to if I'm feeling overwhelmed, ask myself why? Why am I feeling overwhelmed? What's adding to my overwhelm? What can I do to help that overwhelm?

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:27

And who do I go to for help? How do I ask for that? How do I go to my husband and say, hey, you know, I'm really struggling and I need this, or my parents, hey, can you watch my daughter for the afternoon? I need a break. Um and then also when I am doing better and I have motivation, go, man, I can do this, I can get the laundry done, I can, you know, achieve my basic daily things and above when I have that time and energy and that, you know, stability. Um so I think there's lots of practical skills that you can learn, but if you don't have grace and self-awareness to be able to kind of measure where you're at and what to do with that information, it's kind of hard to consistently implement those skills. Yeah, absolutely. What about you? What have you been doing day to day to be better?

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Or um on the days that I can. Yeah. I very much struggle with motivation. I'm like, but I could just scroll on my phone or I could just go hang out with friends and just not think about it and um just push it down. I say bottle up my feelings and I put those bottles on a shelf, and then one day the shelf falls and all those emotions come out. Um that's a that's a good cryday, you know. Um, but I feel like the main things that I have seen work is being self-aware, like what you're saying, like, why do I feel this way? What is going on? And noticing that I'm in that stage of life. Like I feel like I will I don't realize I'm there until I'm out of it. So I think just being aware in my everyday life, okay, how am I feeling today? Like of during for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I'd be like, okay, how do I feel at breakfast? Like I sit down, I think about it, then at lunch I'll recheck in. Okay, I journal it, I'll write it, put in my notes, whatever, to see like, okay, oh, I actually don't really feel anything right now. Maybe, maybe I'm going into a depressive time. I need to pay more attention. Um, but also when I am feeling better, taking the time to do those things that I'm know I'm going to neglect when I am struggling with those things. Cause then it helps with that drive, it helps that motivation just on the front end. Yeah. Um also just putting my phone down. Like getting outside, putting my phone down, not struggling with the 200 notifications I have or the emails, the work things, obviously, like outside of work, putting that away, obviously. Um, but just like focusing on how I'm feeling and thinking that okay, if I just do this next thing, okay, I'm gonna spend five minutes and I'm going to do this. Or I'm gonna it's okay, like brushing my teeth is going to take me three minutes. I can do something for three minutes long. I was in a workout class the other day, and they're like, one minute left, you can do anything for a minute. And I was like, I can't do anything for a minute, and that just kind of like changed my perspective on things. Like she was talking about a workout move, and I'm just like, wait, I can I can brush my teeth, I can uh I can take off the trash, like you can do those things. Yeah, um but yeah, just taking the next step and doing the next thing, because then you're like, Oh, I did that, I can go fold the laundry or I can go do this, I can go do that. Yeah, definitely snowballing habits is really, really helpful. Yeah. What do you think? What have you done besides obviously like being self-aware?

SPEAKER_04 11:48

Um, I would say one of my favorite things to do is lists. I really, really like the process of writing things down like physically with my hand. It feels like I've accomplished something just by doing the list itself. So then I can kind of sit there and go, okay, what's the highest priority and what's my energy level? Like I might have six things that I need to get done, but right now, in this moment, the third thing might be easier and then being able to complete that task and then getting the reward, like being able to put a sticker on it or mark it off, or light a candle, or you know, open up a soda that I really like and kind of crispy coke. Right. Kind of breaking up the list of tasks that I have into chapters that have a beginning and end with some sort of you know, treat at the end is yeah, it helps with the motivation, especially like with the ADHD. Yeah, I need to give myself something to create that dopamine because just completing it does not do it for me. But yeah, um, lists and rewards is like my bread and butter day-to-day.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah, I try I try doing it on my phone, like making a list or on my iPad or whatever. But like you're so right, writing it down is just a task in of itself. So you already feel like you've accomplished something and that's really helpful. And any reason to get a cherry coke, I will take it.

SPEAKER_03 13:21

I feel you on that.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

What's your drink of choice? Just classic Coke. Really?

SPEAKER_03 13:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:26

I feel like it needs a little cherry, I don't know. I like if I'm gonna add anything, I do vanilla and raspberry. Which might be a little bit. That might be a little controversial. But like when they had raspberry in the Coke machines, that was my favorite thing to do is do like some vanilla, not vanilla coke, but like the vanilla flavor and the raspberry flavor with normal Coke.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

I may need to try that. I know it's so good. I've been on a cherry vanilla cake right now, and it's just it just hits. It just hits, you know. I love me at cherry coke. People who know me, they know I took my senior pictures with the polar pop. I'm not even lying to you.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

So I'll have to show you some pictures. But no, I totally get the reward. Same ADHD. I need to have some sort of reward and to see it like tangibly done. You know what I'm saying? Like, if I have to clean my room, like it has to be perfect. And I'll also find like if I'm like, okay, I can do this for a minute and I start doing it for a minute, I like hyperfixate and I have to get it done. So then it's it's done well, you know what I'm saying? So just starting there and just getting your foot in the water is very, very helpful for me too.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Agreed.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 14:30

And I'll say too, with the list, I find myself again with that like ADHD thought process. I am starting in the room, and then there's something in the room that I need to put in a different room, and then I go to that room. Oh and then that room was now my task, and then I'll grab something and nothing gets done. And I can go, nope, nope, nope. Okay, I need to go back to my list. What was I doing originally? That's when I need to complete. Like, I can come back to this, and then a little bit later. I need to finish this though. Um, there's so many times that my husband will come home and I'm like, I did so much, and then he's looking around, and I'm looking around, and I'm like, I did stuff. It's just that nothing was completed.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

But yeah, no real. Yeah, I'll start in one room, and then my I'll start talking to one of my siblings or something, and I'm like, oh, that needs to be done too. Yep. And then all of my clothes are on my floor because I have to rearrange my closet. Like, exactly. Like, no, I was supposed to put the dishes away, and now I'm rearranging my closet. Like, how did we get there? Yes, but no, that's so real. So you've kind of talked about how to deal with the day-to-day on the better days, right? Let's kind of talk about how you deal with it on those days that are kind of harder. Like you're talking about grace. What is a tangible way, or like what does that look like for you at least? I feel like I very much struggle with the fact of my gosh, I didn't do anything today, I didn't get anything done. How do I like give myself grace in that way?

SPEAKER_04 15:51

Um, I find personally, and I didn't always feel this way because I didn't always have the same sort of support system that I have now, but externally getting those thoughts out and forcing myself to change them. So, like with the example of man, I'm a failure, I can't get anything done, I don't feel good mentally, so I'm gonna hate on myself for not feeling good mentally and then not feel good, like feel worse mentally. Um, going to my husband or friend or, you know, my mom or whatever, and saying, you know, hey, I'm struggling, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:29

You know, I feel guilty, but I'm doing my best. Um, being able to say out loud what I'm feeling about myself and how I'm feeling in general, and then forcing myself to verbally give myself grace and give myself a different perspective. Because if it's in here, I will just spiral. Like even if I'm sitting there going, but that's not true. You know, I'm trying to smash out those automatic negative thoughts. Yeah. They just stay. And being able to say it out loud with someone that you trust and you know will just listen is really, really helpful. And I also have kind of going back to the list, I have a list of things that I can do to make myself feel better, and they vary in intensity. So, like something that I could do to make myself feel better when I have the motivation and energy could be going for a walk, right? Getting some vitamin D, or even if it's at nighttime, just being outside and getting fresh air. But there might be days that that feels impossible. So literally just laying in bed and stretching, like just getting my body to move, even if it's for a few minutes in bed and you know, yeah, reaching for my toes, or you know, doing something physically that can also be good for me, my body and my mind. Yeah. Um, I find myself feeling the best when I can just sit and it not be dark and it not be in my bed and it not be like even if that just means having another place, like a comfy chair, yeah, or sitting out on the porch and looking at the stars, just trying to do something, even if it's incredibly low energy. Yeah. And it's like technically what I was just doing in bed, but now I'm somewhere else, and I've put effort to do even just the steps to a different chair, or you know, getting up and getting some water.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:44

Just something that I can sit there and go, I don't feel good. I don't like how I feel, I don't like that I feel the way I feel, but look at me, I got some water. You know, I I did something good for myself and I can feel proud about that instead of spiraling about all of the things that I'm not doing. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Yeah, I really liked how you said doing something that makes your mind and your body feel good. So it's not just like, oh, I'm having a mental issue. I need to keep it in my head. Like I feel like that's what our generation does all the time. They're like, oh, it's just in my head, I can just keep it there and it won't come out. Like it'll be fine. But no, like if you keep keep it in your head, it's gonna come out at some point. Um so getting outside, doing those things where you're physically moving your body makes so much sense. Like, I like going outside. Yeah. Like just I will literally go and lay in the grass in my front yard. Yes. Like just feeling the sun on my skin, like completely changes my mood. Yeah. Um, whether it's just literally again, just laying in the grass or taking a walk or going for a run or working out. Um, just taking that step. And I like how you said the list though. I really like that, how you like have different intensities. I really do like that. I'm gonna have to take that and use it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:53

I'll also say you reminded me of something when you said, you know, you kind of circled back around the mind-body sort of concept. Our minds and the way that we feel, whether it's anxiety, depression, or just feeling down or something much bigger than that, you know, some other sort of behavioral um disorder like bipolar or ADHD or anything that impacts the way our minds function, affects our bodies. You know, when we're anxious, our digestive tract is affected. When we're mad, we have impacts on our heart. When we're sad, our body aches and our joints hurt. Um so if our mind impact our body, this is just like the way that I think about it. Why don't I do something that my body can impact my mind? Like if I do something physically, like going for a walk or stretching, my body is going to give me chemicals that tell you, good job, you did something. And then that can sometimes hopefully physical impact where my mind is sitting.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

Absolutely. That's awesome. I really, really like that. Talking about if your mind is affected, your body's also affected. So you have to kind of like reverse psychology at like, okay, my mind's hurting. Let me do something with my body.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

I feel like also my mom talks about this a lot. She goes, You become what you behold. And I feel like a lot of that depression and anxiety comes with social media. I say that as I do social media for work, but like it really does like, I'll be like, I'll use an excuse, like, oh, I'm working, but like I'm on Instagram. You know what I'm saying? So, like, whatever you're taking in is going to come out and it's going to affect your brain. So a big thing is like taking account of like what you're taking in, like what is coming into your brain. That comes back to what you were talking about with why do I feel this way? Think about it. Like, is it because you're comparing your body to what other people look like on social media? You're comparing what your life is to other people's, but like editing is a real thing. We're gonna edit this podcast. Like, that's what I'm saying. Like, social media is not real. Yeah, and if that's one of the reasons. Reasons why you're feeling what you're feeling, you need to cut it out. Yeah. Whether it's limiting your time, whether it's completely cutting it out. Um, so just take into account what you're putting inside of your head because like we're saying it's going to affect your body and it's going to affect your mind.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

And also, what are you doing when you're scrolling? You're sitting still inside. There's no but there's no benefit. Literally, like, what are you doing to have anything positive out of that? You're consuming content that might be making you feel worse. You're physically sedentary, which is also gonna make you feel worse. You're inside with no sun, no wind, no nature, which is also going to make you feel worse. Like it's compounding if you look at it as a whole perspective, like your whole body, your whole mind, your whole you know, soul. How is that impacting you?

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Yeah, I feel like we think about the mind and the body separately. Yes. Like, oh, it's just in my mind, it's gonna stay there. Oh, my body just hurts, like I'll be fine. Like it's no, like when you're hurting, when your body's physically hurting, it's going to affect your mental health. When you think about when you're sick, it's it affects your mental health. You're going to be sad, you're going to be upset. Um, when you're having mental health issues, you're going to feel down. You're going to hurt. You're going to ache. You're going to not want to move.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Like when you're sitting scrolling on your phone, you're hunched over. You're hurting your body just just by sitting there, not doing anything. So I feel like a big step would just be thinking about your mind and your body is the same. Because it is the same. Your mind is inside of your body, which affects each other. Absolutely. So when you're dealing with those things, go outside. Yes. Yeah. Put your phone down. Or just move, like physically move.

SPEAKER_04 23:39

Yes. A little shimmy. Yes. There was there was one day that was horrible, right? Well, not just one day, it was like several days where it was like not getting out of bed for anything. Absolutely just destroyed mentally. And I came across something, or my therapist told me, or somebody was talking to me and was saying that they on a similar day was laying in bed and was just flopping around like a like just flop around. And I literally like literally was laying there, like rolling over and flanneling my arms. And afterward, I was like, that was so stupid. But like it felt so good. I felt a lot better and was able to kind of at least, like I said, feel good that I did something, and typically kind of like we said earlier, snowballing into you know what? I can get up, I can go brush my teeth, I could change my clothes. And going towards being more stable, being more where you want to be, what your goal is.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Yeah. But yeah. Another thing when you said sh when you were like flopping around, that made me think of something. Um, side tangent, I saw a TikTok and I was scrolling. Don't look at me, don't look at me, the shame, I know. And it said a shimmy a day keeps depression away. And I was like, Yes. High key. Yeah, it actually does. But what I have is I have this playlist on Spotify, because I'm a Spotify girl. You can fight me later. But I have a playlist where it's like every song that I'm like, this is a banger. This is what I need to like, this is like peak. And what I do is I'll play it while I'm getting ready. Cause then I'm hype. I'm like, oh, I'm getting ready. Like I'm in it. Like I'm not thinking about, oh, I'm brushing my teeth right now. And this is something I normally have to struggle to do. And that's another thing is like when you're in that depressive mode, like things that don't normally things that you don't normally struggle to do are so much harder to do. Like, you don't have to think about brushing your teeth when you're you're just like, oh, I don't gotta brush my teeth. Like, no, I have to brush my teeth. That means I have to get up, I have to move my body, like I have to go to the bathroom, I have to do all these things. But when you pair it with something you enjoy doing, with me, that's music. I'm very musical. I play lots of instruments. So like having that with like, oh, I really enjoy listening to music, I love dancing. And I'm just like, yeah, I mean while brushing my teeth, like habit stack. So take something that you enjoy doing and pair it with that thing that you don't like to do. Like if you are struggling reading your Bible, get you a little fun drink while you're reading your Bible. If you are struggling getting ready, play some fun music while you're doing it. Yeah. If you need to read, listen to an audiobook while you're walking. Yeah. Like if you're reading a book for school, put it in an audiobook and take a walk. Habit stack, habit stack, habit stack. And I'm preaching that to myself too, because I also need to do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

That also works for, at least for me, for anxiety, like when I'm going someplace and instead of sitting there on the drive for 30 minutes going, oh, but what if this person says this thing? And then what am I gonna say? And what if this thing happens and it's the worst case scenario? And oh, did I forget something and I know I'm not going to the right place? Did I check my GPS three times? Because I definitely probably put the wrong address.

SPEAKER_05 26:43

You've been gonna be late at different times.

SPEAKER_04 26:45

Like I'm gonna be late. What if I miss the wrong, you know, I take a wrong turn sitting there and listening to a book or a podcast or, you know, um listening to music, something that will make me feel better. And I'm not focusing on all of the spiraling what ifs can also be helpful.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

I do the music thing all of the time while driving, all the time. I'm like, I don't want to go here. Let me just play some or like if I have to get up early in the morning, like playing, blasting that like 2000s pop while I'm in my car on the way somewhere. Like, I'm like, oh my gosh, I have a 6 a.m. to the gym. Like I'm asleep, I don't want to be here. Yeah. But then like Taylor Swift comes on and I'm like, okay, I can buy with this, or some Justin Bieber. Like pairing those things with the things that you don't want to do is so helpful because it gets you out of that mood too. Like you're not thinking about how you're feeling, like you're not only thinking about it, but you're shifting your mood on how you how you're acting with those things.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 27:40

And there's a lot of socially accepted ways that that happens just in our day-to-day. When you go to a gym, it's not quiet. Like you're listening to music when you go for a run. Like you're doing something that maybe your body doesn't necessarily want to do, and you're s motivating yourself through listening to music. Um, another one would be like people who work from home or you know, do freelance stuff. They go to coffee shops. They go and be around other people, they have music, they get that little, you know, special drink treat for doing their work. Yeah. Like there's tons of different areas that normal like, you know, um neurotypical people function in life. And we all go, yeah, that's totally normal. You're going to get a coffee, you know, and work some, or you're gonna listen to music while you're working out. Why don't we use those same things for areas that we struggle in and not feel like, oh man, why can't I just do this normally? There's tons of other things that people do that they don't want to do normally and have that habit stacking, they have that reward system.

SPEAKER_02 28:46

Yeah, what's cool about music and listening to a book and stuff is that it's still it's still stimulating your brain. Yeah. Like with scrolling, it's you're getting that dopamine, you're getting that stimulation, but you're getting the same thing with music. Absolutely but you're not just staring at your phone, it's playing in your headphones, but also like be mindful of like what you're listening to, that you're not listening to sad music, and because that's not gonna help them re listen. Listen to something that's upbeat, that's encouraging. Listen to worship music, this is listen to some Christian rap, listen to some Justin Bieber, like hype yourself up, don't stay in that funk because you can get out of it. I feel like our generation has just accepted the fact that oh, you're depressed, here's some meds, you'll be fine. And I'm like, it's not gonna fix, it's not gonna fix the issue. So you can get out of that rut. It's just a matter of figuring out what way works best for you because it's not the same for everyone.

SPEAKER_04 29:32

And there's there's like to speak to that on like a technical level, there are chemical and behavioral aspects to mental health. Absolutely. And I didn't know that until I was diagnosed with depression. Yeah, definitely, where like there is that chemical and behavioral aspect to it where you might have a chemical imbalance in your brain, or your brain might not function the same way as like a neurotypical person, air quotes. Um, and you might need assistance from something like medication that provides you that stability in your brain that isn't there because of the neurological and chemical component to it. Yeah. But you have to take ownership of the behavioral part. Like that is what you can control. That is what you physically can do. You can't just go, hey, I'm taking medication now, I'm fine. Um, you have to put in the work to address the behavioral aspect of mental health, no matter what it is.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

That's so true. I don't think I even never thought of it that way. Like, yes, it can help with the imbalance, but you can still control your body. Your mind, you can't necessarily completely control. Yeah. Your body, you can't. That's crazy. I've never thought of it that way. Yeah. And like, that's not bashing medication. I'm on anxiety medication. Yeah. Um, and I didn't realize that it was a chemical imbalance. I was talking to my doctor, and I was like, she suggested medication, and I was like, What should you be putting in my body? Like, I don't know. Like, I just I didn't know. I was I was naive. I didn't know what medication like would entail because there's some like I was thinking ADHD. I'm like, oh, is it just stimulating my brain? Is it giving me dystopian and all these things? Yeah. I was like, no, I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that the medication I'm taking balances those chemicals to help me have less like sure I'll have like little lows and highs, but it the middle ground is more sturdy. Yeah. But I'm like, oh, I'm a medication and I'm still struggling. Like, no, I can still control how I'm dealing with it.

SPEAKER_04 31:22

Yeah, absolutely on my own. And I think like for me, that's something that I have to challenge myself specifically with because one of the medications that I'm on that I probably would be on for the majority of my life is for treating my bipolar. I've been diagnosed for bipolar with bipolar for five years and have been on medication for that long, and it's because I cannot make my brain give me the right chemicals in the right amounts. I cannot control that. There's nothing that I can do other than artificially putting it in with chemicals to address that. But, and it's super important because I think that bipolar people kind of get a bad rap, people who have bipolar get a bad rap because they leave it at that and don't do anything about their behavior. It's hard. It is super, super hard when you feel compulsive and you need to spend money and you want to go do fun things and you know not think through plans. It's hard to go, you know, no, I need to control myself or I need to do something, especially if there's that chemical imbalance that isn't getting, you know, worked on through medication. But even with the medication, I'm still responsible. And without it, you're still responsible for what your bank account looks like. You're still responsible for, you know, what happens in your social circles, how you behave with people. Yeah. You're still responsible for, you know, how you handle yourself in those really difficult moments. Um but yeah, like it just kind of goes back to what I was saying, like, and I identify with it so much in why I like like to preach it, is that I'm all for giving your brain what it needs so that you can be stable, right? Like that's my priority. I want to be here. I don't want to on a Tuesday make a choice that would change my life forever, whether that's because I'm manic or I'm depressed. Um, but I'm also responsible at the end of the day, even with that medication or not, for the whatever that choice might be. So like it's just you really gotta balance taking ownership, being grace, you know, gracious to yourself, and treating it through things physically, doing things, having good behaviors, making less, you know, whatever it is. And having, if you want to go to a doctor and get assistance, whether that's a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a therapist, um, something to help with that aspect, you don't have control over that brain part, that chemical part that you can't do anything for.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. I think also a big part is for me, I find I'm way more anxious and depressed when I'm not in the word, like when I'm not reading my Bible. Um, and I feel like a lot of it becomes because I'm not reading my Bible. Like in the mornings, I'm like, oh, but I could just sleep in 30 more minutes and just start work right at 8 and not read my Bible at 7:30. Like, I don't know, taking that time to prioritize what is most important, and that is reading your Bible, spending the time with the Lord, journaling, taking ownership and accountability for your thoughts and your actions and how you're feeling. So just taking that time, I think. I think a lot of this sums up to like taking time and just sitting for a second, yes, sitting with your thoughts. I know that sucks, I know that's hard. Yes, yeah, trust. I've I've been there, I get it, I still am there sometimes. And writing things down. Yeah. Writing down how you feel, writing down why you think you feel that way, writing down what you have to get done, and taking taking, like, okay, I have a little bit of motivation, but not a lot. Let me just do this task. And normally that motivation will get you through it. Like taking that time, you're like, okay, I have to do this thing, I'm going to do it. Because if not, you're going to regret it later when you're even farther into that mental health issue. And you're not, it's just not going to get done. Yeah. And you want to be able to function, and that you don't want your mental health to take a hold of you, take a hold of your mental health.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 35:28

Because if not, you're not going to get anything done. You're not going to be successful. You're not going to be at a point where you're proud of where you are anymore. But that's also what's crazy is we don't have to do it alone. We have Jesus and He wants to come alongside of us. So invite him and be like, Lord, I cannot do this on my own today. I need your help, and he will give you the strength to do it.

SPEAKER_04 35:47

Yeah. And the Bible, and like going on that too. It's very, very, very encouraged and descriptive of having community. And I know that can be so hard for people with anxiety. Absolutely. And I know that can be so hard for people with trauma, like choosing to trust people, choosing to be vulnerable, choosing to connect can be so scary. Absolutely. But it is so important and recommended by secular doctors, the Bible, like there's tons of people. We see it in our own communities with studies on drug addiction and stuff like that. That when you can build community, connect with people, be vulnerable, find safe people to be vulnerable with.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

It greatly impacts your ability to handle, deal with, live with, work on your mental health, you know, whatever way you want to word it.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Yeah. It impacts that greatly. Yeah. And I feel like a lot of our community deals with mental health too. It's like knowing that you're not alone in that. Like I feel like it's so easy to be like, oh, no one, no one gets how I'm feeling. Nobody understands it. No thought is original. Yeah. No feeling is original. What you're going through, somebody else has gone through and is going through. Like, I don't know the stats, but I can almost guarantee you that somebody else in your friend circle is going through something, if not the same, very similar to what you're going through.

SPEAKER_03 37:19

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Whether it's loss, whether it's depression, whether it's anxiety, or if they aren't dealing with it then, they have dealt with it in the past or will deal with it in the future. So being open about it not only will help you, it'll help your friends in the future or at that exact time. Yeah. Because the people who are coming after you who might be dealing with it know that, oh, so-and-so has dealt with this before too. And I've seen how they've gotten out of it or how they've dealt with it. And I know that I can go to them with how I'm feeling. Because I know that community is so hard, especially when you deal with anxiety and depression. Because when you're in that depressed mood or time, like getting out of bed, so difficult. Going to to see people and talk to people, yeah, unthinkable. Anxiety, like text messages. Answering, I have 260 on red text messages as of this very moment. Well, I don't even know how much it is now. But like I, it's so difficult. So like when I get that motivation to go through them, I'm like, yes, it's only 100 right now. But like it's so difficult. So but taking that step to even if it's one person, everybody has at least one person they can go to, whether it's an adult, whether it's a youth leader, whether it's a parent, a friend, a best friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, like there's so many people that you could go to that love you and that want to deal with this with you.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Um, because you're not alone in this. Everybody's dealt with mental health in some sort of way, which is it's so sad that that's this generation, that's what it's become. But everybody has, which almost gives us an advantage. Like we're not dealing with it alone anymore, you know?

SPEAKER_04 38:42

Yeah. Well, I don't think anybody was dealing with it alone before because there weren't other people as much as it was there was social risk for saying that you dealt with that. True. You might be looked at differently, you might, you know, lose opportunities at work, you might have friends that then don't want to hang out with you, or you might have family members who don't understand and maybe not disown you, but definitely distance themselves because of a lack of understanding. Yeah. I don't see that in this generation. I don't see the judgment of peers going, oh, you do that. Well, I don't think I want to be around you anymore. Um I think it's almost overly accepted now.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

They're like, oh, it's just it's just normal. Like it's not something you have to deal with because like, oh, you're you're depressed. Sucks for you. Welcome to the club. Right. You're just gotta live with it. So I feel like you have to find that balance of like being open and vulnerable and like not judging, but owning it and saying that that's not how it should be.

SPEAKER_04 39:47

Yeah. So you're not like yes, that's the key, is it's not how it should be.

SPEAKER_02 39:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:52

And and maybe should isn't, you know, should is a world that doesn't exist. Not where you want it to be.

SPEAKER_02 39:58

Or not where you were created to be. Yes. You weren't created to be anxious, you weren't created to be depressed. So, like accepting that yes, this is the reality. I have depression, not I am depression. Once you take that and be like, okay, I'm anxious, I'm an anxious person, like I am anxiety. Like, no, you can't own it like that. Yes, you have to realize it that that's what you're dealing with, that's what you're struggling with. It doesn't have to be an eternity. Yeah, this is what I'm struggling with. Talking to somebody and they're like, that's not how what you were created to be like. Let me come alongside you and we can walk through this together. Yes. But not being like, um, you deal with that, I'm walking away. But also not being like, oh, you're fine. There is a happy medium.

SPEAKER_03 40:39

Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 40:41

Yeah, and finding that is difficult, but again, it just comes with talking to people.

SPEAKER_03 40:46

I agree. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

But yeah, what what tips do you have for people who maybe don't necessarily deal with it themselves in the same way that other people do? Like, what advice would you give to someone who's their friend is dealing with depression, their friend is dealing with anxiety?

SPEAKER_04 41:01

Um, I would definitely say ask. Like if you have a question, ask. What does that mean? You know, I don't understand. Yeah. Or ask, what do you need from me? And let that answer be what you do. If it's okay and you agree to it. Yeah. Like if they say, I need you to listen, listen. Don't talk. Don't give advice. Don't say, Yeah, I dealt with that when I was seven, or you know, I know an uncle who did that, or you know, so-and-so in first period. Also, you should talk to them. Just listen. Yeah. If they ask you for help, say, you know, whatever you've got that you can bring to the table. And then if not, you don't have anything, or you know, what you have is limited, help them find resources. Say, hey, you know, you should talk to that's when you say you should talk to my mom. She's, you know, dealt with this for forever, or you know, this friend over here might be helpful. She's been working on this, or he's been working on that, whatever.

SPEAKER_05 41:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

Um, but like listen and ask.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

I feel like the listen is so important. Um, I feel like when I was dealing with grief with my losing my sister, everybody was like, it wasn't as much of a how can I help you, it was like a help, help, help, help, help. Like they were always trying to do something, which is shows how much the people around us loved us. But obviously, like when you deal with grief, it's not something you've ever dealt with before. So it's everybody deals with it differently, but also you don't know how you need to be helped until you've been through it. Um, and you people don't know how to help. So listening is so important, being like, okay, like they're gonna need food, they're gonna need so many meals, like getting all these food, like, yes, that was so adrenalus and so helpful, but also like I just need an ear to talk to. Like, I didn't need someone to be like, you're grieving incorrectly, or here, here, here's some tips to help your grief. Like I sometimes I just need someone's ear, you know? So I feel like listening is so, so important. I cannot stress that enough. Just listen because people that they want they want to talk about it. They want someone that they can just be open to and not be judged for, not be like, oh, you're doing that wrong. Here's this will fix all your problems. Because a lot of the times that's not just gonna fix all, it's not just gonna be a one-time all fix-all. Like it's how it works.

SPEAKER_04 43:09

Yeah, this didn't come up in one day. This didn't come up from one conversation. No, your one conversation is not gonna take it away.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

That's so true.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

And I would also, this is something that I didn't have for a really long time and I didn't know how to communicate it for a long time. Um, as a person trying to help someone else that's struggling, where is your help coming from? If they're talking to you and you are like, I need to help you, I love you so much, I don't want you to deal with this. Are you feeling that way because you're uncomfortable? Is that desire to fix and help coming from I need to feel better about this this myself? Like, do you I need to find comfort for myself because I'm worried about you? Like, I'm so worried about you that I'm going to fix this for you. So I'm not worried. And you To be honest, you have to ask yourself that question and genuinely sit there and go, Am I doing this because you've asked me to? Or am I doing this because you've told me it's what's best for you? Am I doing this because I'm trying to keep you safe? Like, there's a big difference between trying to give encouragement and help and someone not being safe.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

Right. Um, or am I doing this because I'm overwhelmed and I don't know how to handle that? I don't know how to help you. And that that scares me. Like, are you making choices because you're scared for your feelings or because you're scared for that other person? And most of the time, even if you're saying I'm scared and I want to fix that, it's not because you're trying to be selfish. Like you're not doing that intentionally. But I would definitely, when you start to feel the need to act, to say something, to do something, before you do that, ask why am I doing this? Yeah. What's my goal? What's my purpose? Um, and and be willing to be honest with whatever that answer actually is. And then, you know, course correct. That's why the whole asking questions, like if you are sitting there going, Oh, you need a meal, I know that would totally help you. You know, let me get you a meal. Ask. Yeah. Would it be helpful if I made you something? I want to do that. Will that help? Yeah. You know? It might not. It might be something that that person doesn't want. Um, and then if they say no, you know, that's gonna be overwhelming, or I don't, you know, for whatever reason, whatever it is, then say, okay, I want to help. How can I? And then most of the time that person will say, I just want an ear, or this is an action. I need you to, you know, can you walk my dog? Can you come do my laundry? Can you come help me with laundry? You know, like what's an action that I can do? I'd like to help you. Um, but yeah, just like listening, asking questions, and being honest with where your motivation lies. Um stems back to just like thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 46:06

Yes, absolutely. Like literally all of this is literally just taking that minute, thinking about what is causing you to feel that way. Yeah. Which again caused you to sit with your thoughts, which is so difficult. But even that is a task in of itself that you've already accomplished. Yeah. So even just doing that, you're already taking a step in the right direction.

SPEAKER_04 46:25

Can I rabbit trail off of that? Absolutely. Okay, so there was a big breakthrough that I went through in like the one of the worst places that I had gotten to in my life. Um, like genuinely the deepest, darkest. Um whatever you think the bad day was times a lot, you know. Um, but I had a conversation with somebody, a therapist that I was going to see in an intensive outpatient program. And um she basically was saying that when you get stimulus, something happens. You immediately have a feeling reaction in your body, which is a chemical reaction. And then sometimes you have a thought which is like a negative belief, or this person said this because they hate me, or you know, this means that I'm unworthy of love, or you know, whatever it is, that automatic negative thought, that lie that you're telling yourself, and then typically an action, whether that's you know, withdrawing, leaving, um hurting yourself, or you know, shame spiraling, whatever it is. Um, you have that, there's a break, there's a moment between you get stimulus, somebody says something, something happens, um, whatever it is, your body's chemical reaction to it that's automatic. And then there's that moment between that and your thought or your action. And that's the moment for you to change. Um when you realize that space between is where you can choose different, you can say, no, that's not true. You can choose to take a deep breath. You can that's that's where your power and your control lies. Um it's where that think about it moment happens and where big shifts through small actions lead you to a path where you want to go.

SPEAKER_02 48:32

I like that big shifts through small actions. I really like that. That's true, just thinking about it, taking that second to change your perspective and again doing the small things, like writing down how you feel, all those things. That's awesome. Um, well, thank you so much for coming on and hanging out with me today. Um and I hope that this was helpful to all of you guys. Um, seeing the different ways that you can deal with mental health in your own life, but also in other people's. And we'll see you guys next time. See ya. I think we slide.