Same Questions, Men’s Answers: The Dating Reality Check

What happens when you ask the same relationship questions—but hear completely different answers?

In this episode of The Gray Area, Roslyn sits down with Alphonso, and Matthew to revisit the exact questions from our previous conversation with Ashley—but this time, from the men’s perspective.

From dating uncertainty to green flags, red flags, and what really makes someone approachable, this episode pulls back the curtain on how men think, process, and approach relationships in today’s culture.

You’ll hear honest, unfiltered insights on:

• Why dating can feel complicated from a guy’s point of view
• What actually stands out to men (and what pushes them away)
• The pressure and hesitation behind making the first move
• Where the disconnect between men and women really begins

With perspectives from a married man and single voices in the mix, this conversation brings depth, humor, and real-life experience into one space.

This isn’t about choosing sides—it’s about understanding both.

Because in The Gray Area, clarity comes when we stop assuming…and start listening.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hey guys, I'm Ross and Glorav. I'm the host of the TNT Gray Area podcast. Last episode, we had Ashley on and we talked about relationships, which are sometimes some hard topics, but it was a really safe space with just the girls talking about all the different perspectives. This time I had Alfonso, Mafia, some two pretty close friends of mine, and also coworkers, but they're gonna be giving you the guys' perspective on relationships and all these other things. So yeah, hope you enjoy. Matthew, I have a question for you.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

What up?

SPEAKER_03 0:48

What what's going on with your with your fit today?

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Uh well, starting from the top, we have this lovely nice little fit check called.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

No, I I wasn't asking for a fit check. I was wondering why you're wearing the same color all the way around.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Okay, maybe that's the question you should have asked. Well, um first and foremost, I do it for my haters. Um that's all the owner bet. Really, what it comes down to.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

And me, I fear the back end and and me.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Uh however, also very practical. Um, explain it. I take great steps and lengths in my life to avoid this phenomenon uh called precision fatigue. Um when you have so many options and so many colors in the color wheel, you know. Who wants to think about that at seven in the morning? But you know that beige matches with beige, you know gray matches with gray, you know black.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

You know that, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:49

It's the same concept. You still have decision fatigue and you still have to make the decision.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

That sounds like a skillish.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

It's still it's a lot of choices. It's I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

So it sounds like you're a very indecisive woman, is what I'm getting from that conversation.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Is it indecisiveness or is it Yes, indecisiveness? It seems like it's actually extreme decisiveness.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

No. Because you're you're starting with the fact that you're not gonna make decisions.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

I made the I made the decision.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

You made the decision to not make the decision.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

No, no, I made the decision to simplify the decision. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

I was about to say, which is making the decision to not make the decision.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

No, it's not. It's a decision to simplify the decision. You know what it's it's a it's a mature style. It's a mature style.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

It's something alright.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

You'll get it when you're older.

SPEAKER_04 2:34

Yeah, you'll get it. Give it about 10 more years, I guarantee you.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

Well, I don't think I'll dress like Matthew in ten years. I think we'll have a better style than Matthew in ten years. 100%. Not that I already don't, but challenge. Challenge accepted. Well, speaking of decision making, um, there are a lot of friends of mine that I know that have a very hard time making decisions in relationships and committing in relationships. Um, do you think that you see that a lot in girls, or is it mainly just in guys? Like I feel like guys are so indecisive of like, am I gonna ask her out? Am I not going to? Or do you think you see that in girls too?

SPEAKER_04 3:11

I mean, it goes both ways, but it's different, I would say. So with guys, I mean, in today's culture, it is it is a little intimidating nowadays, because on a guy's perspective, their TL timeline, whatever you want to see it is, oh, you gotta pay for this, oh, you gotta be in charge, oh you gotta you gotta present yourself in a certain way to even get attention. And I mean that's not the case. That's that's celebrity social media world. But for the average person, they don't really understand that. So for a guy, just going up to a girl, it may be a little nerve-wracking, and for women, I think it's more so not wanting to experience bad things that they've seen other women go through. So they're not, they may not be approachable or they may be defensive offer it because you know they want to protect themselves too. They don't want they they have eyes if they've seen some type of trauma, they just don't want to walk into it blindly. So I feel like it's the same, but just portrayed differently.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

Same but different, same candy, different wrapper.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Yeah, so true.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

Matthew, what do you think makes a woman unapproachable? Like you see this girl and you're like, yeah, no, not that one.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Um on an individual basis, I would say um the same thing that makes anyone unapproachable. I mean, like a like a RBF or like a very um, you know, angry demeanor, or like you're not, you don't seem very happy, very warm, you have a more of like a cold presence.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Um body language can be a part of it, if you're very closed off, um, from from your surroundings, um air pods and headphones, like if you're like not present, yeah, not present, definitely. Or if you're if you're per if your activity or your behavior is portraying that you don't want to be bothered. Um if you're at a coffee shop, do you are you like nuzzled into your laptop or a book, or like do you occasionally look up and look around and see who's around you, see what's around you. So I think that has a lot to do with it on an individual basis. I think on a more like macroscopic level. Um, I think socially, um cult like culturally, I think that we have made um women unapproachable to some extent. Like, you know, 50 years ago it was the norm to approach a woman in a grocery store or at a restaurant or wherever you were and just say, like, hi, my name is Matthew, and just you know, I thought you were beautiful. I wanted to come over and pay you the compliment and get to know you, you know, like that was a very normal interaction not that long ago.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

I wish that was normal now, but it's just not.

SPEAKER_04 5:52

But I think it's so funny hearing that from a younger person now because Eve Jesus, I sound old. I thought about the sentence I'm about to say. Back in high school, when we got when we started the texting and the online social media apps, like that, how the world operates now. We were kind of wanting that. Like, oh, I don't have to reach out, don't always have to see you in person. Like, it's convenient. It's convenient. Yeah, now it's the opposite, it's like we're going backwards in time. Yeah. Women now, girls now want the guy to approach, and it's I don't know, it's just funny hearing how things change.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Well, it's interesting because I don't, I mean, maybe they do, but I don't know if many women like really genuinely do want that. Because it's I think a lot of them say that they do, and maybe they do. Um, but then it seems like again, going like culturally, when someone does do that, like everyone's TikTok page is full of a feed that's like this person approaches a girl, and then the it's the girl's video, and they're like talking about how creepy this guy is. He approached me at the gym when I was trying to work out or at the grocery store when I was trying to like get things done, and he's literally just trying to be polite and like say that hey, I thought you were attractive. What's your name?

SPEAKER_04 7:10

Like, but that's some of the trauma too, because a lot of they just assume based off of again social media and what they see. They're seeing maybe their friend has a story about a dude that was rude at the gym. So it's like once they get to talking amongst the group chat, oh, this happened, yada yada yada. Now all the friends guard up. It's a stereotype.

SPEAKER_03 7:31

Like you hear one story and you assume everybody's like that.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

That's the world we live in right now, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Yeah, I feel like I hear that a lot of guys are like, Yeah, my friend got rejected. And I'm like, that doesn't mean that you're gonna get rejected. Like it's a you're a different person, you have different personality traits, or maybe if you ask that person out, they would say yes. It's just some people just aren't compatible. And I'm like, Yeah, I don't think you're that attractive, but like I like your personality, or like, you know, people are different.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

It's okay to take the L sometimes. Yes, just take the L.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Like, take the risk and take the L. It's okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

Every girl ink on like you is okay, you know. It's it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

That's why you only get married to one person and not 15. Come on, talk about it. Nobody has not everybody has to like you. Um, but yeah, tell me a little bit about yourselves. Alfonso, I know you're married. Tell me a little bit about how you met your wife, what you're doing now.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

Yes, I've been married two years now. Um I've been with my wife since spring semester of college. So wow. Again, sounding old. Do the math. Goodness gracious. Um, 10 years will be February completely. So that's that's huge. So we met at FamU. We both went to Fam, you know, right look come on now. Um, but met her. She stayed on the same floor as one of my friends, and we were working out trying to get on the baseball team. So every day, he stayed all the way at the end of the hall, all the way at the end.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

And so far away.

SPEAKER_04 9:00

Yeah. And there was a there's like two couches, like a little hangout area at the end of the hallway. So group of girls that stayed on the same floor, they were just chilling.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:09

But he, I don't know why, but he was like, Fonzo, I think I think some of them like me. They always giggling when I go down because you gotta think of the awkward interaction. He has to he has to walk straight. Uh-huh. And these girls are just looking, just at on the couch, just talking political.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

They got the perfect scouting spot. Let me just say.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

So he has to walk all the way down facing them, and then his he was the last door. So they're pretty much in front of his door. So he was like, Yeah, come come walk with me next time. Went, went, walked with them. He's trying to wingman you. Yeah, and I was like, it's not that serious. They just giggling.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:47

You cool. But we ended up, you know, sitting down there, and all of the girls that were there are pretty much friends to this day. So it was a cool little cool little get together. But yeah, we've just been together since then. Of course, it started off as the oh, I don't like you. I'm you know, we're just friends or whatever. But the denial state, yeah. The denial state. So that's got together, is going to classes, doing homework, all the stereotypical college stuff. College relationship, yeah. We just made it official, so that's awesome. Married 10 years later.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

How'd you get connected with Live of Life and True North? All the things.

SPEAKER_04 10:23

Man, um, so I went to college for physical therapy. Asked me if I'm doing anything with physical therapy now. No, nothing like it, actually. But but through I wanted to switch majors, but by the time I wanted to, my uh advisor was like, yeah, I'm pretty much starting over. I don't think it'll be a good idea. Right. Yeah. Too deep. So I was like, alright, cool. I'll just finish it up. But I was doing multimedia stuff on the side. So I had an internship with the school doing the working the sports cameras at the football game.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

Um, I worked for the school magazine, Journey magazine. Shout out to the crew. Um, photo editor one year, video editor the next. So I still stayed with it. And then just at FanMe, you're gonna find the hustle. So started my own brand, way of souls, pressing and making t-shirts, clothes, stuff like that. So really just a creative person overall. So I still kept that off to the side while I was just finishing school. And I got tired. I was working assistant manager at journeys and then doing bite squads. And I was just like, all right, indeed, you gotta rock with me today. Photography, videography, graphics.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Everything.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

Yeah, like I didn't put no proper job title, nothing. I just put what I wanted to do. And the crazy part is I don't even remember applying to like live the life specifically.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

You just applied to everything.

SPEAKER_04 11:48

Everything.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:49

I got an email from Ashley, said come in, bring the resume. I came in.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Whoa.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

I feel like the suit sold it though. You know, you gotta come in. Shark.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

You came in with a suit?

SPEAKER_04 11:59

Not full tie, but you know, a little business casual version, you know, navy blue with the blue and white pin strip. Dang, okay. And then the then the navy blew over it. So, you know, nice.

SPEAKER_03 12:08

Matthew, you gotta take style tips from him, okay? Pay attention. Pay attention, Matthew.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Kind of like kind of like dark and then light.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

No, but he's wearing different colors. It's not just one color. Matthew, you've gotta lock in. Like, what what is going on?

SPEAKER_04 12:23

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

You should have seen this vest he was wearing earlier. He took it off. He said, It's too hot in here.

SPEAKER_04 12:27

We ain't gonna go get on him, we ain't gonna get on him, we ain't gonna get on him. That's my daughter, that's my dog.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

I will.

SPEAKER_04 12:32

But yeah, just came in, chopped it up with her, actually had a portfolio of stuff. So she was like, Okay, competent, cool. Knows what he's doing. Yep. Started off multimedia assistant, just doing basic social media stuff and just staying down, learning more stuff. Now we're at the assistant communications. So we here. Nice little progression over time.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

Yeah, awesome. All right, Matthew, tell us a little about yourself.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Well, I am 26. I graduated from Florida State University. The other traditional knowles. Um, my degree, funny enough, was also athletic training with a concentration of physical therapy. It's not a trend. It's not a trend, I promise. It was only natural that I pursue a career with my local nonprofit after that.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

Only natural.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

I don't know what else you would do.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Um yeah, so I'm really enjoying it. I've been with Lived Life for just over a year. Uh hit a year in November. Uh I work on the development team with Ashley, um, doing kind of some curriculum development and fun development and logistics and all that kind of stuff. So I've really enjoyed that. Um romantically, I'm single. Um, I have a history of uh a lot of lessons learned that I hope between Hey, me too. That I uh that I hope between that and my occupation is gonna make me a really great husband one day. Um I'm uh I'm a seven-time groomsman veteran, so I've been involved uh in the wedding, in the wedding game, um at just about every level that you can, other than planning your own. Um so hoping to check that off.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Hopefully your wife will do most of the planning. I can't see you as a a wedding planner. I feel like you're just gonna be like, here, you do it.

SPEAKER_04 14:20

Man, look, wedding planners are hilarious. So quick side note. Started off with two.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

Two wedding planners?

SPEAKER_04 14:26

They were tag teaming.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 14:28

One dropped off for a random reason. She's just didn't say why. Just hit us with induces. So shout out to the one that stayed, you know. We we got it together.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

So that's crazy. Ma'am. Awesome. Well, I put up a poll on the Instagram pretty recently.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

Um, talking about just relationships and I feel like relationships are something that's not really talked about in schools or at churches or literally anywhere, I feel like, or kids don't feel safe going to their parents asking them questions. So I put up a poll um where people can put any questions they have about relationships, and we got some pretty good feedback. So I thought we'd just go through some of them to get kind of a guy's perspective. Because the last episode we got Ashley's perspective talking about like what it's like, is it actually are we talking or are we dating or all these really hard questions? I feel like we got some pretty good conversations.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

Yeah. As the camera guy in the background, definitely a woman's safe space. Yeah, 100%. It's our turn.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

Yeah, because like I'm a single queen, and I was really, really cool to hear some really good advice from someone who is married and who's gone through dating, who's gone through talking bad relationships, good relationships. So I thought it'd be really cool to get a guy's perspective, not only a married guy, but also a single guy, getting both perspectives.

SPEAKER_04 15:40

I like it. I like it. Both edges.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Yes, both edges. Um, okay. First question is what are some green flags in a girl? I feel like guys, whoa. I feel like girls have this expectation of like, yeah, they don't really care. Like they're just like, I'm amazing. Why would nobody like me? But like there are good qualities and bad qualities. So, what are some good qualities that you look for when you're looking for a future wife?

SPEAKER_01 16:00

I'll let you start off or single king over here. Single king over here. What am I in the market for, as it were? Um I think something that is um very attractive is um some level of independence, um, or maybe I should say an absence of dependence. Okay, I like that. I like that phrase. Like you don't have to be able to do you know everything by yourself, and you're so independent that you don't need anybody. That's also can be off-putting in itself, but an absence of needing everything to be done for you, you can't regulate your emotions, like you have your own life, um, and you're just looking for someone to be an addition to it. Um, come in and enrich it. You're not looking for someone to come in and be your whole life, you're just looking for someone to contribute to your life.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Um, so I think an absence of dependence, um, I think you know, some level of intelligence is really attractive.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

Some level. Some level.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

I mean, I'm no Einstein, so I'm not looking necessarily for an Einstein. Um, but just you know, someone who's capable of knowing like about the world around them, um, what's going on in the world? Yeah, just someone who's aware culturally, um, socially, um, good head on their shoulders. Um, and she's she's gotta be a looker. I mean, she's gotta be a looker. We're just gonna keep it real.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

I mean, yeah. Okay. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 17:26

Uh so I'm gonna build on on top of that. You pretty much hit all the important things. I would say the biggest thing, just showing actual interest. A lot of people sleep on that. Actually caring about you, you know what what you got going on. Mutual pursuit. Yeah, just you know, gotta have some type of what's the word I'm looking for? Recipro reciprocity.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Okay, big words. Look at you.

SPEAKER_04 17:56

But um, but definitely need some of that for sure.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Um I think a lot of girls play hard to get. They're like, oh, I just want them to pursue me 100%, and I'm not gonna do a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:07

Like, and I'm sure we'll talk about it this episode, but being an actual friend. Yep. That's that's the biggest thing. I feel like now with social media and everybody's in competition with people they don't even know because you got access to everybody technically. So you got that mindset nowadays, okay, it's something better out there, so they're not putting all of their baskets right there, but getting to know somebody, showing that interest, I think that's the biggest green flag. You actually show some type of interest, and you can pick up on, okay, you know, she's asking me about my day, making sure I'm good, and fellas do the same. Do the same. But you know, those little things go a long way for sure.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

Yeah. On the flip side, what are some red flags? Some things that are like, not that one.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

Real quick, the opposite of what I just said. Everything is her, you know, um, what are you gonna do for her? Uh asking for things. Look, I'm not one of the guys where it's like, don't, you know, treat a girl on a date by, you know, of course you do that, but if it's constant, hey, send me this, hey, what are you gonna do for me?

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Hey, don't date a gold digger.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

You're not doing the gold diggers. Come on, it's 2026. Open your ass, fellas.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

So true. Matthew, what are some off-putting things?

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Um, I mean, say like Alfonso said, the opposite of what I said, someone who's extremely dependent, um, someone who's not, you know, has no care or drive or ambition or intelligence or anything like that would be super off-putting. Um, but I think also um like trying to figure out the best way to articulate it. Um I would say maybe like someone who's someone who knows what they're looking for, I guess, would be the green flag, and then someone who is okay with like going through the motions and going with the flow, like would be the red flag. Like trusting the process. Like if you're okay with us like spending time together and not putting a label on it and like all these things that are just very unclear.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Almost like a commitment issue.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Yeah, yes, exactly. And I think that so I guess the red flag when it comes down to it would be like um someone who's not someone who doesn't place a high level of importance on exclusion. Um like you've to go with the float.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

Yeah, yeah. We're just like we're just seeing how it goes, type thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Right, and you touched on it a little bit too, but like not I don't want to like no no guy wants to, you know, you might have the the macho like alpha guys who are uh say they're okay with it, but no one wants to like compete with five other guys. Like I'm not interested in pursuing someone if you're like trying to decide between all of these suitors and like playing the comparison game, and um it's not what we were designed for relationally um by God and truly, even just emotionally, mentally, it does not lend itself to healthy relationships down the road. You're already starting off with insecurity, with comparison, with all these things. Um, so that would be a big red flag, I think, for me.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

Yeah, that's awesome. Um trying to think which one I want to go into next.

SPEAKER_04 21:31

Touch on it real quick because I don't I I do hear it. Being crazy is not cute, and that's not a hear it girls.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

Hear it, girls.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

So fellas thinking that she has to be crazy over you, no. Red flag and vice versa. So I just want to throw that out there because it does not equal cute. So true. I know a couple people out there feel attacked if you want to, but some of y'all take it as you will where.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Where are all of the good girls? Where are all of the people that you have this actual expectation of? You know what I'm saying? All the questions about the guys, they're like, where are all these good women? And I feel like girls ask that too. Like, where are all the good guys? Where do you go to find them? How do you know if it is a good girl?

SPEAKER_04 22:16

Well, well, Doug, I've been out the game for about 10 years. I'm gonna let Matt be a good one.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

Yeah, how about we let Matt be the single, the single guy? It's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

I was gonna say the opposite.

SPEAKER_03 22:25

You found one, so maybe it's a good right here, girl. Come on. Slide in the DMs.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Um I mean, I can give you advice on like what I would think are common mistakes and what I think you should maybe not do. I mean, there's a they're not there's a lot of phrases that I think at their core get to the same thing, and they're not necessarily always used in this context, but like um, I think of you know, you play certain games, you win certain prizes, or you hang around a barbershop long enough, sooner or later you're gonna get a haircut. Like at the core of all these, you know, phrases and axioms is like you're going to like the the context of your setting is gonna dictate like what happens there. Like if you if you are going to like a club or a bar and you're trying to find a wife, like it's not saying that it can't happen, but like people go to bars to drink. People go to bars to drink.

SPEAKER_03 23:21

You all find a drunk, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Like you're if you're gonna go to a bar and you're looking for this woman of God, well-read person, and not to say that they can't be there, but like statistically, the odds are not in your favor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

The odds are not in your favor.

SPEAKER_01 23:34

So I think being very uh strategic about what am I looking for, and then where would a per where would such a person be? Like if if I'm looking for a well-read woman of God who's you know, um not playing the field, who is, you know, wants to be very exclusive and is interested in a courtship, like I'm probably not gonna go to a club, I'm probably not gonna go to all these different bars, I'm probably not gonna go to um I don't know, several other places, but I might I might find that person at I don't know, school or at a church or at um a ministry function, or you know, just you know, make the make the context of where you're going fit what you're looking for, I think is kind of would be my advice.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

What I can say to give you give the guys a little ism out there, you know, just just a little bit of ism if you know what you know. Um don't be afraid to just talk to people in regular situations.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

Honestly, talk to women.

SPEAKER_04 24:38

That's where you're going to find the person that probably you're gonna be with. And specifically, you know, for the younger people, high school, college, they say statistically, you read you've already met the person that you could have married or been in a relationship with, but people again, the world is open, we got so much access that we look beyond. Man, find a friend.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Found a friend, like found a friend.

SPEAKER_04 25:04

That's it. If actually try to become friends with whatever or whoever that you're meeting when it comes to if you're in school, social clubs, sports, just have the conversation. Actually, if you find her attractive, meet the standard, just go and talk. If you're out and about in the grocery store for the dudes that are a little older, you're you're older or not in school, so you can't, it's not gonna be a hand place where these people are gonna be. You're going to have to build the social skill. So just if you find a sport for the older people now, kind of switching going back and forth. Find a social club, run club. I know Tallahassee has a big pickleball community. Um, if you're an artist, go out to art events, like things that you like to do, go to them and talk to the people there. That's the simplest way to go about it because you're gonna find common interests. If you are looking for uh somebody that's heavy in their word, you're not gonna, you're probably not gonna go to the bar and find that person. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm not saying believers don't go out and drink and stuff like that. Definitely nobody is saying that.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

So don't take it that way, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

Don't take it that way. But if you know that, okay, this is a strict thing, go to the place where it would be. So church groups want things like that.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

I think what you're saying too, in terms of like go do the things that you enjoy doing, ties really back to kind of how we started the conversation and like not don't make it your life's mission to find your wife. Like go and do your life, go do the things that you enjoy doing, and in that you might find someone who enjoys doing those things too, who you can do it with.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

Because then you enjoy not just your life, but you'll enjoy your life with that person, right? Right. Like you're saying, not someone who is your whole life, someone who you can go through life with.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Right. And it's just statistically, you're probably if you're if you're gonna have to meet someone in the wild and start an organic conversation. In the wild and start this organic conversation, like, don't you think that if you're a huge pickleballer, wouldn't it be easier to do that at pickleball than try and spark up like this made-up conversation that you're not interested in at a bar? Like your shoes. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 27:26

You don't know none about shoes. So let's say she took the compliment, oh thank you. You know, they're such and such and such, you just wide.

SPEAKER_03 27:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like for girls, I like your car, knows jack about cars, knows nothing. And he's just like, Oh, it's a this, and I'm like, Mm-hmm, cool.

unknown 27:44

Yeah, bye.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

But yeah, just fine, do the things, work on you, build on you, and then once you do the things that you like to do, then go out and just network. The energy is gonna come back, even for women. Do the things you enjoy doing, and I guarantee you, right? Somebody's gonna come to you.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

So I heard that that's attractive.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

I was just gonna just affirming what you're saying, like that's attractive. Like, people talk about confidence and all these things. Like, I've once heard that um confidence, you don't gain confidence from like shouting these delusional affirmations in the mirror. You you do it by building a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Like that's how you that's how you build confidence.

SPEAKER_02 28:28

I'm like this.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

So go and do the things that you are good at, go and do the things that you enjoy doing so that when you do wake up in the morning and you look in the mirror and you tell yourself, I'm a pickleballer, or I like to read books, or I or I work out, or I'm a runner, like and you are going and doing those things in life, you can have confidence that those things are true. When you are going out to bars and you're making it your life's mission to find your wife, and you're trying to spark up all these conversations that are you know organic that are not true, and you're telling her, like, oh, I'm a runner and I do this and I do this, and you don't do those together. It's not confident and it's not attractive. Um so yeah. Yeah, that's my rant.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

Yeah, drops money. I heard this thing one time at a church, actually. It was become the one that your one is looking for. Very much. So don't change yourself for someone else. Be the person you're becoming, and someone's gonna come along with you.

SPEAKER_04 29:25

Couldn't have said it any better.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Yeah, it's a great piece of advice.

SPEAKER_04 29:29

There we go. You know TMP, the gray area where you get your ism, you feel me?